What to do about that pit in your stomach in this terrifying American moment

What to do about that pit in your stomach in this terrifying American moment

Alia E. Dastagir - USA TODAY

If you're scared and anxious, you're not alone. Maybe you're afraid about what happens tonight, or maybe you're afraid because you're playing the tape forward. You see words on the news and on social media that at one time felt unfathomable to most of us in a modern American context: "coup," "civil war," "insurrection."  If there's a word for what this feels like, we don't have it. "There are just no words. I think that sums it up," said Mary Alvord, a licensed psychologist in Rockville, Maryland. "It's so much emotion there are no words to express the range."

On the day Congress was set to formally declare Joe Biden president-elect, chaos erupted in Washington, D.C., when a mob of Trump supporters stormed the Capitol. Four people were killed, the National Guard was deployed and more than 50 people were arrested.

Some watched in disbelief. Others noted their predictions this day would come. All of us are witnessing the deepening of our nation's fracture, the power of misinformation and lies. Many Americans are fearful and outraged. 

"This is an unprecedented moment and people have every right to feel the way that they're feeling, but we have to take care of ourselves even when things are bad," said Vaile Wright, senior director of health care innovation at the American Psychological Association. "It's about focusing on what's in your control – your thoughts, your feelings, your behavior – and it's about doing a check-in with yourself and asking, 'how am I doing and how can I assert some control in a situation that feels out of control?'"

Focus on what you can control

Wednesday night feels like a historic low in a year of relentless terrors and traumas: the pandemic, natural disasters, racial unrest.  

"It's been a disruptive year, and people are craving reassurance around their futures," said Anita Kanti, author of “Behaving Bravely: How to Mindshift Life's Challenges."

This moment does not offer that. What it does offer is an opportunity to continue to navigate a new normal in which we recognize how tenuous it all is. How tenuous it always was. The only certainty we have is around our own attitudes and behaviors. This perspective, Kanti said, can help us "not feel disempowered with outward chaos."

Afton Kapuscinski, director of the Psychological Services Center at Syracuse University, said it's important to focus on what you can change rather than on what you can't. 

"If you can take constructive action, use your feelings to fuel that effort," she said. 

Look at the big picture

Watching the chaos on TV, the chilling images on loop, it's easy to catastrophize. But experts say it's important to look at the big picture.  "Many of us are justifiably experiencing shock, fear and anger ... yet becoming paralyzed or overwhelmed by those emotions can contribute to hopelessness and mental health difficulty at a time when we are already dealing with so many challenges as a nation," Kapuscinski said. "A pitfall that often increases the likelihood of being 'stuck' is failing to look at the full picture and focusing more narrowly on a single event or series of upsetting events."

Kapuscinski said she heard people commenting that "our democracy is falling apart." There's a way to acknowledge the magnitude of this moment while also taking into account other data points, she said, that suggest our democracy is still functioning – courts have found our election processes are fair and counts are accurate, and most lawmakers desire to uphold the will of the people.  

"If you are struggling emotionally today, try to 'zoom out' and see if you are neglecting any important hopeful, positive indicators," she said.

Take a break

When stressful situations begin to impact basic functioning, it's important to enforce limits. If you're having a visceral reaction to watching or reading the news – that pit in your stomach, for example –  consider shutting down. Take a walk‌. Read a book.

"You should take breaks from watching the news, especially now because what we're seeing are the same images over and over again," Wright said. "Even if you feel you're going to learn something new, you're probably not. This includes social media too."

Also be mindful of activities you engage in right before bed. If you want to check the news one more time, make sure to give yourself at least an hour to calm down.

Ground yourself

This will look different for everyone. 

It can be breath work, holding your breath in for a full count and letting it out for a full count. It can be dinner with family, a watch party with friends, or a phone call to someone you know will make your feelings a priority. 

Reach for what centers and de-stresses you. 

"You need to calm down, so that you can come back and have some perspective," Alvord said.

Practice gratitude

Kapuscinski recognizes it may seem counterintuitive in the midst of multiple national crises, but research indicates gratitude practice improves well-being in the face of adversity and distress.

"Examine your life and context at micro and macro levels and identify what is going well rather than what is going wrong," she said. "Gratitude is not about minimizing tragic or difficult events, rather, it is about elevating and enjoying the positive ones."